Friday, December 25, 2009

End the war in Iraq! War not peace!

Look at the deaths! Absolutely unacceptable!

I should only include American deaths, though. We are actually doing those countries a favor by saving them from the Taliban and Al Qaeda.

As you can see, the human costs of these wars are unacceptably high. We need to pull out immediately to stop the senseless death and destruction.

Now I know some people may say "Those charts are biased, if they were true, terrorists would not fly planes into the world trade center, they would create cheap and affordable cars." Those people are right, cars are only the greatest killer of Americans aged 3-34 (2006 statistics). The best way to kill Americans is not to create Asian car companies, it is to create corn-syrup factories and fast-food chains. Apparently we already have taken these jobs from terrorists, though. Not only that, but we ensure those jobs stay in America through government subsidies and taxpayer money. There is no room for terrorists to even compete with us in killing Americans!

http://www-nrd.nhtsa.dot.gov/Pubs/811226.PDF
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/FASTATS/deaths.htm
http://www.ntsb.gov/aviation/Paxfatal.htm
http://www.icasualties.org/OEF/index.aspx
http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/Northeast/10/29/wtc.deaths/
http://icasualties.org/Iraq/
http://www.iraqbodycount.org/
http://www-nrd.nhtsa.dot.gov/Pubs/811172.PDF
http://www.justforeignpolicy.org/iraq

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Where have all the cowboys protestors gone?

It was a typical California day. The sun was high with only a few clouds aimlessly meandering towards the horizon. The warmth beamed down from the blue sky, warming the skins of the students gathered in Sproul Plaza. There was a turbulence building among the students that the weather was oblivious to. The grass now lay empty, with the thought of students basking in the sun's endless love left to a time of relaxation. Today there was thunder rolling in from the South, like waves of suffering spreading over shores.

The crowd was in a chaotic murmur. Everyone knew something must be done, but no one knew what. The slightest spark finally occurred as a young man calmly pulled off his shoes. He felt the warmth of the concrete trickle into his exposed feet. He took a step. Now cold steel began to suck the heat back out. He took a few more steps and felt the salty air brush his hair back.

The murmuring went silent. Anyone there will tell you it was not a silence of peace. It was the silence of opening a lid on hot coals. The brief silence as Oxygen rushes in, just before the coals explode into flames. Flames that would not be extinguished by any amount of water, and that would not be for a lack of effort. These flames would continue until the fuel is gone once-and-for-all.

The silent and expectant eyes peered towards Mario Savio, barefoot on the roof of a police cruiser. They watched expectantly as his mouth opened. He took in a breath, and began to speak.

----------

Years later there was a small crowd gathered at Pioneer Square. A painted cardboard box with "vote-bot" written on the front sat awkwardly on a young man as he wandered from person to person. The crowd's mind was on the number 350. A group of high school students layed down in the shape of that number on the sidewalk, to show the number to the sky, to the gasses that were warming with the passing of each year.

Pigeons stood guard on a large white tent. Its occupants were soothed by the hum of electricity pouring into and out-of speakers. The elaborate sound system broadcast a fluent river of words spoken by a lady placed comfortably behind a sophisticated podium. Her soft breath rasped into a microphone. She told the crowd the drama they already knew but wanted to hear anyways. The world is getting warmer. A crisis of global proportions is on the horizon unless we immediately change our ways. People moved their ears in to hear as a bus indifferently roared by, marked by a trail of warm air, leaked from the comfortable-but-empty, heated interior, and enough gasses and chemicals to keep a chemist busy for weeks.

Internet postings declared the importance of the people scheduled to speak today. The postings encouraged people to come to Pioneer Square at 1 pm, and stay until 3 pm, but as a distant clock chimed 2, the crowd was small and more people began to walk away. It was a Saturday, after all. There was shopping to be done, houses to clean, and friends to meet.

Monday, October 26, 2009

這個字是什麽?

For those of us who have studied Chinese, we all know how much of a pain it is to encounter a new character. Such circumstances begin the arduous process of counting all the tiny little lines that make up the character and playing the game "guess which radical this character is classified under." This is a very mean game as the radical it is classified under inevitably looks nothing like any part of the original character. This process becomes worse when a teacher gives "gifts" to keep us busy over our "weekend".

Enter this incredible contraption: http://www.chinese-tools.com/tools/mouse.html
All you need to do is draw the character, and it magically tells you what character you drew!
For example:

As you can see. It's quite a useful tool.

Don't you know that you're toxic? Yes. Yes I do.

So I can only assume this idea has come up before, but the copyright nazis have gassed all obvious occurrences. So now it's my turn.

This is a remake of the Britney Spears' 'Toxic'. (See: here). It is to be sung by the CEO of Lehman Brothers (see: here) while wearing a skimpy outfit and making out with the CEO of Bank of America (see: here). The lyrics are a work in progress (surprisingly little actually /needed/ to be changed), and the video is still in the production stages.

Toxic

Baby, B of A
They're calling
A house like this
Should wear a warning
It's dangerous
Stocks falling

There's no escape
I can't hide
I need a loan
B of A, give me it
Stock is dangerous
I'm loving it

Too high
Can't come down
Losing my head
Spinning 'round and 'round
Get a bonus now

[refrain]
With a low interest
I'm on a ride
It's toxic
I'm slipping under
With a loss of consumer confidence
I'm addicted to it
Don't you know that it's toxic
FTC, What is that?
Don't you know that it's toxic

It's getting late
To give it up
I took a sip
From my devil cup*
Slowly
It's taking over me
(*=Mortgaged backed securities)

Too high
Can't come down
It's in the press
And it's all around
Got your bonus now

[refrain]

Don't you know that it's toxic

[refrain]

Intoxicate me now
With your MBS
I think I'm ready now
I think I'm ready now
Intoxicate me now
With your MBS
I'm ready now

Friday, September 11, 2009

We want a pitcher, not a really bad heckler!

As everyone knows, there is good heckling and bad heckling. Good heckling, for example, may be inspired when one sees a cyclocross racer one knows in first place during a race. One may then take the classic approach to run after him/her banging a cow bell and repeatedly yelling "I CAN SEE YOU!!!" during a difficult part of the course.

Unfortunately, it seems that bicyclists on city streets do not inspire such ingenuity and tact. In such cases, the heckles are typically:

-Pedal faster!
-AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! (typically a tragically failed attempt by teenage pedestrians to scare a bicyclist out of their 3 foot bike lane and into the path of 45 mph traffic).
-Get a car! (I have a car)

The latter I can only comprehend as to mean something along the lines of "I take offense to your use of human-powered transportation. I am increasingly concerned that children can play outside without suffering severe respiratory problems, that you are not doing your share to increase the demand for oil, and that you are not in a vehicle in front of me leading to greater road congestion."

All these taunts are painfully disappointing. So painful that I can do nothing but extract my revenge. These people don't even know the beginning of what they have messed with. Them and the Chinese. Which, upon seeing a Chinese tourist, I will now retaliate for their unspeakable deeds by yelling "外國人!" and demand to take my picture with said Chinese tourist. I digress.

You might think I will take my revenge with the typical taunts hurled from bicyclists that include

-[reference to peacefulness/nature/something happy/unicorns] KILLER!
-Road Hog!
-Get off your $@%#@$% cell phone, and watch the !#$#@% road!

No, I know these hecklers of bicyclists-on-city-streets too well. I know their weaknesses, their most inner hopes and fears, and I will use that. They will grovel and burst into tears as I heckle, yelling out from my bicycle to cars and teenage pedestrians alike:

-Drive faster!
-AAAAAAAAHHHHH!
-Get a moped!

Soon, the streets will be empty as all cower in sheer terror.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Chinese Teaching

After spending a year being taught Chinese by an overzealous, terrifyingly well-educated Korean man and a Taiwanese lady married to a man who inspired so much moral obligation to do his class work that he should have been a general sending troops into Normandy, I think I have this whole language teaching down. I might even jump on the whole teach English in China sea-worthy-vessel-of-transportation. I've already got some of my lessons planned. Here's the first page of lesson 1 of 26: