End the war in Iraq! War not peace!

Look at the deaths! Absolutely unacceptable!

I should only include American deaths, though. We are actually doing those countries a favor by saving them from the Taliban and Al Qaeda.

As you can see, the human costs of these wars are unacceptably high. We need to pull out immediately to stop the senseless death and destruction.

Now I know some people may say "Those charts are biased, if they were true, terrorists would not fly planes into the world trade center, they would create cheap and affordable cars." Those people are right, cars are only the greatest killer of Americans aged 3-34 (2006 statistics). The best way to kill Americans is not to create Asian car companies, it is to create corn-syrup factories and fast-food chains. Apparently we already have taken these jobs from terrorists, though. Not only that, but we ensure those jobs stay in America through government subsidies and taxpayer money. There is no room for terrorists to even compete with us in killing Americans!

http://www-nrd.nhtsa.dot.gov/Pubs/811226.PDF
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/FASTATS/deaths.htm
http://www.ntsb.gov/aviation/Paxfatal.htm
http://www.icasualties.org/OEF/index.aspx
http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/Northeast/10/29/wtc.deaths/
http://icasualties.org/Iraq/
http://www.iraqbodycount.org/
http://www-nrd.nhtsa.dot.gov/Pubs/811172.PDF

http://www.justforeignpolicy.org/iraq

We want a pitcher, not a really bad heckler!

As everyone knows, there is good heckling and bad heckling. Good heckling, for example, may be inspired when one sees a cyclocross racer one knows in first place during a race. One may then take the classic approach to run after him/her banging a cow bell and repeatedly yelling "I CAN SEE YOU!!!" during a difficult part of the course.

Unfortunately, it seems that bicyclists on city streets do not inspire such ingenuity and tact. In such cases, the heckles are typically:

-Pedal faster!
-AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! (typically a tragically failed attempt by teenage pedestrians to scare a bicyclist out of their 3 foot bike lane and into the path of 45 mph traffic).
-Get a car! (I have a car)

The latter I can only comprehend as to mean something along the lines of "I take offense to your use of human-powered transportation. I am increasingly concerned that children can play outside without suffering severe respiratory problems, that you are not doing your share to increase the demand for oil, and that you are not in a vehicle in front of me leading to greater road congestion."

All these taunts are painfully disappointing. So painful that I can do nothing but extract my revenge. These people don't even know the beginning of what they have messed with. Them and the Chinese. Which, upon seeing a Chinese tourist, I will now retaliate for their unspeakable deeds by yelling "外國人！" and demand to take my picture with said Chinese tourist. I digress.

You might think I will take my revenge with the typical taunts hurled from bicyclists that include

-[reference to peacefulness/nature/something happy/unicorns] KILLER!
-Road Hog!
-Get off your $@%#@$% cell phone, and watch the !#$#@% road!

No, I know these hecklers of bicyclists-on-city-streets too well. I know their weaknesses, their most inner hopes and fears, and I will use that. They will grovel and burst into tears as I heckle, yelling out from my bicycle to cars and teenage pedestrians alike:

-Drive faster!
-AAAAAAAAHHHHH!
-Get a moped!

Soon, the streets will be empty as all cower in sheer terror.