I had a sick feeling well up inside of me. I felt my blood drain, my heart sink into my stomach, and my brain melt. I was ready to vomit. I wanted to stand up and walk out. To just get away. Why am I here? I now know better than this.
I did not leave. There would be consequences for leaving. I had the choice to play along, to come out OK, or to leave and have problems. I have found myself, once again, hostage to myself in a bizarre system. This time, at least, I know what is going on. I just need to play along for a little longer, then I will be free. I believed that years ago. That there was something to it, there was something good and worthwhile in the future. The alleged light is little more than a carrot on a stick. It was not worth following. Follow my heart, not the idiotic dogma of train tracks laid in front of me. So much has gone to waste. I was just out of this tunnel, so how am I back in here so quickly? I am ready to blow my way out. It's too dangerous. Give it a couple weeks, then I will be clear. If I am not, all bets are off. Waiting is too much an excuse for inaction, but now it is what I must accept.
My blood stained my clothes, but I got up to heal and push forward. In another time I had lost my way. I found it now, and I've left clues how to find it again. I'll fall again, get lost again, but as long as there is life in me, until it kills me, I will get back up, clean myself off, and move forward. I know what I need to do, when I get through this. I need to do it, and I need to avoid this place.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment